It's been one year since my last post. I feel like I'm making a confession to a priest. Maybe I'll just pretend you are. Overall, the past year went well symptom wise with no huge set backs. I still follow the FND facebook page. However, I do find myself not relying on it as much as I have in the past. Hearing those with similar symptoms and problems with the medical field made me feel validated. But, limiting my exposure is also a way of healing and to keep striving medically.
I knew I wanted to be a special educator from an early age. From that point on, I never strayed from my career path. Then, four years ago FND decided to make an appearance and derail my future. Over the past year and a half I have tried to get back in the classroom in some way. Sadly, I tried three different times to return. Depending on the school or classroom type, I started showing some symptoms days to weeks into this work "trial". I was noticing confusion, overstimulation, balance issues, body sensations (tingling, flows of warmth), dizziness, blurred vision to just name a few. At this point, I knew I needed to have some accommodations in place when doing these trials. I made sure to have my earplugs to drown out the louder kids, I would get a heads up prior to a fire drill, and I took breaks as needed. Even, with those accommodations I still found myself having symptoms at work and even at home. Once the first symptom started I then continued having symptoms daily. After leaving the first trial, that crushed me. That was a return to my previous employer which I loved so much. The students at that school have many medical and physical issues. I only lasted 3 weeks before ending it. That may have been too ambitious for me too soon. That one stung and it still does. I then after 20 years at private schools decided it may be safer for me to work in a public school. My second attempt lasted 4 months and it ended naturally at the end of the school year. During those months I had my first seizure after almost a year without one. Symptoms included confusion, tremors, stuttering, passing out, seizure and fully body paralysis. Even after that incident, I still felt I can get pass this and continue working. I don't know about you, but I could be a little stubborn sometimes. I didn't have another incident, but little daily symptoms still continued. After the summer break, I decided to take another class position at the same school. This class was extremely active and I found myself solely to be dealing with a high behavior among doing my other duties. I was placed with a first year teacher who was at a loss when it came to dealing with behaviors. Although, I felt helpful to her it was actually making it worse for me. I was sent home multiple times and missed several days due to increased symptoms. I only lasted a month and a half before quitting.
With these set backs, there were many great accomplishments this past year. I can't just dwell on the negative moments. That would make me stagnant and possibly even regress. When that bump in the road returns, I am briefly upset. However, I have now learned to move on and know that this hiccup was temporary and I will grow stronger again. I was able to have some issues arise during these work trials and still was able to finish the day majority of the time. A few years ago, one symptom would quickly lead to other symptoms and then I'll be a back in the hospital. But, now I've learned so many techniques to help calm my system. Deep breaths, humming or self shushing myself seem to be my go to techniques. I went to many concerts with my earplugs in hand. The bass and the lights can be a little issue but I was able to watch all the concerts fully. I am so much better in loud areas. I do struggle focusing in rooms with music and a lot of talking. I find myself getting quiet and really trying to strain to hear those at my table. I always have my earplugs which I use often still. I was also able to ice skate for the first time and it not lead to balance issues or tremors. I went on a 17 day trip to Italy. This was a very taxing trip in regards to the heat and the amount of walking I endured. I had only one day that I felt faint, but rest and hydration helped. I'm sure there were many more positive moments, but at a glance I feel like I'm finally getting my life on track.
At the age of 46, I never thought I would have no job and no set plans for my future. It's not a good feeling and I'm at a loss. Over the last couple years, I've put a lot of thought into what I will do moving forward. I had some bad and good ideas. I would suggest anyone that has been following along in my journey to always think of the future. Never just assume you will always be like you are right now. With hard work, a positive attitude, and trying to stay active you will see growth. Next time I write, I'm hoping to share a new career path for me.
To be continued.
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