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Writer's pictureJen LVcania

Maybe I Do have Trauma In My Life

I been teaching my dream job as a Special Education teacher for a year or so now. As I mention in my past blog, work definitely was a trigger for my passing out episodes. Perhaps the stress of the day was too much for me or maybe I wasn’t drinking enough water. Maybe it was a combination. But one day, I was at a co-workers birthday party and I was having some stomach pains and I really just assumed it was really bad gas or GI issues, I know TMI. The next morning, the pain was much more intense to the point where it hurt to walk, breath and talk. I was seen by my primary doctor who sent me to the ER with an suspicion of appendicitis. I felt silly going, because what if they said it was just gas. How embarrassing would that be? I went anyway because the pain was pretty intense. It turned out I had an ovarian cyst the size of an grapefruit that had begun rupturing and I needed surgery that night. This was shocking news to me being only 24 years old and it really was something serious and not gas after all. Luckily, he was able to save my ovary during the surgery.


However, what my new gynecologist and I didn’t expect was that I would be having surgery every year and a half to 2 years for the next 12 years. During that time, two C-sections are included in those surgeries. All surgeries were always gynecological. Overall, I have had about 7-8 surgeries.

Trauma can come in many forms, my form could possible come from all of these surgeries and also dealing with chronic back over the last 4 years from playing roller derby. With each surgery, you are not just dealing with the pain from recovery. You are dealing with the month(s) of pain while you wait to be seen, getting scans done and then waiting for the surgery all while in pain that keeps you in bed and / or limits you from your normal activities. Then you have the surgery recovery to deal with. You are physically, mentally, financially dealing with missing work while you wait and heal which is hard to handle. So doing that times 8 takes a toll on your body and mind over time even if I wasn’t fully conscious of it yet. Through counseling, these issues have come up and it turns out it was a clear issue for me.

It has been 4 years now of not having a surgery and that may be because there is nothing left for for the doctor to take. I am blessed to have two wonderful boys, and I’m hoping all the surgeries are behind me. Luckily, he took my appendix also the last time because it was thankfully enlarged due to pelvic adhesion's wrapped around it (which is common in my case). But, darn it, he left my gallbladder which will probably cause me a problem soon enough. Prior, I did ask him to take that too regardless, but he didn’t listen.


My back and joint pain is my other issue that I quietly dealt with at this point on a daily basis. I saw a rheumatologist prior to playing roller derby due to joint pain in my shoulders, knees and also rib pain. While playing derby I saw two orthopedic doctors in regards to the back pain. Without a doubt, my back is from all the hard hits I took or gave (wink wink) when I played roller derby for four years. I stopped about 2 years ago due to the back pain. Although I’ve been seen by an orthopedic nothing works long term. Early on, I was dismissed so many times from doctors, or told to see a different doctor after they couldn’t find an answer to what was causing some of my symptoms especially in regards to my joint paint and rib pain. They did find multiple things related to my back in all three sections, but the doctor never seemed concerned. So, clearly, things are wrong with my back, which one could be operated on if I wished, but again I'm being dismissed. That effects me, to he dismissed time after time. The feeling of discouragement when medicine, Physical Therapy, chiropractor, shots, etc. hasn't made your pain feel better but worst. When you deal with years of pain, it becomes your normal I thought. But what I learned was, Is that I was just pushing these feelings deeper into my subconscious and not confronting them. Then when I'm faced with a negative experience, my body goes into fight or flight and perhaps these feelings among others also come forward and worlds collide.



Before the doctors first tell you that you have Functional Neurological Disorder, the doctors of course go over your symptoms. But, they also ask you tons of questions about what type of trauma or abuse you may have or gone through. It is believed that majority of FND patients have experienced some type of trauma, which isn't the case anymore. Trauma can appear as, physical abuse, sexual abuse, chronic pain, family troubles etc. The only thing at the time I could think of was chronic pain. They linked what I was dealing with at that time to pain I had endured over the course of years. They also felt that my passing out episodes that I experienced back in high school may have been a form of seizures. So let's add that to the trauma train. The Doctors also asked me about how my mental health was (which at the time was very unstable), because that also plays an important key with diagnosing FND. These are all topics that will be addressed in my next blog when I truly feel as if I was going insane and I had to ask to be admitted to the hospital. You know what, in a way, I was going insane!



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