Spring is here and so is the “craziness”

I finally had some breaks between my seizure episodes towards the end of February and into March. I took each day and cherished them. I’m having seizures about 4-5 days apart which has been a huge improvement. There was even a week in March when I was 11 days seizure free. I was absolutely amazed and anxious at the same time. It made me think today will be the day that breaks the pattern.

One's mental health plays an active role in a person's life, especially those with FND like myself. Dealing with the loss of your old life and what your life looks like now can easily make one depressed. For me, I also started having worsening anxiety. Thinking about each feeling and wondering if that means a seizure was coming was a frequent thought. Sometimes I would feel anxious even out of the blue. Breathing problems, pressure in my chest, sweats, extreme restlessness would take over me. I try to quickly use all of my coping and grounding techniques before I get too consumed with my thoughts/feelings. But, sometimes the thoughts take over and I give up reluctantly.

During my “good days” I had moments of my old self. With my kids I was laughing, dancing and being goofy again. To feel like my old self again brought such a calmness through my body. My kids would have the biggest smiles, which made me smile even more. But, everything good comes to an end.

In March and most of April I was hit hard with anxiety, depression and obsessive thoughts. It was so bad I had to seek medical care/treatment. It was a rough time, but I received the treatment I needed to get back on track. I now have to attend an Intensive Outpatient Program for further treatment, but I’m on my way.

These conditions are often not spoken about, embarrassing and/or pushed under the rug. But, there are too many people who suffer from both anxiety and depression or at least one to not talk about it now. I felt that I needed to share this dark time, perhaps not in the greatest detail but with you nonetheless. I met a lot of wonderful and motivating people while away. I realize that people need me in their life. I am a fighter and I will find what I am looking for in life. I hope all of you that are also suffering from mental illness can see how important you are and get treatment if needed. Each day, tell yourself something good about yourself or something you did that day. You are important! I am important! We are important!