August 2021,
This month will be one year of blogging about my medical and personal journey. I first started this journey with three hopes. I wanted an avenue to vent as a therapy tool. I also wanted to educate people about FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). But, most of all I wanted to show people suffering from FND, anxiety and/or depression that they are not alone. Although I didn’t know if what I was doing would work at the time, I still wanted to share techniques that I was completing just in case they would help others too. I have had many ups and downs over the years since I’ve been dealing with FND. My whole world felt like it was crashing down on me.
After seeking medical advice from many doctors and trying to get into various treatment centers I finally am seeing my hard work paying off. Today marks three months being seizure free. In the past, I haven’t been able to go longer than a week and a half. So this is huge! My husband refers to me as the Phoenix. I have been reborn and rose from the ashes. Three years ago I lost mobility, had multiple seizures a day, had extreme fatigue, started getting depressed and just felt like what’s the point of going on at times. Now, my motor skills are fully restored, my seizures have stopped hopefully and I’m learning to love life again.
So what have I been doing differently? Well, in the spring I was hospitalized a few times for a month during each stay. In the hospital, there were many groups that focused on grounding and coping skills. I saved everything and highlighted the tasks that I knew I would be able to complete at home. Each day I work on those techniques along with exercising for an hour. The repetition is important. When I start feeling FND symptoms or anxious I could easily use one or even a few of the techniques. I also have been extremely positive in the way that I now look at life. Perhaps the positivity has to do with how well I’ve been doing. I’m doing more during the day, spending time with friends/family and just being outside is healing in itself. Before, I would spend the majority of my time in bed. Now, I’m helping with household chores, cooking and getting out of the house. Even though I try to go into an activity thinking all will be great, there definitely is a part of me that is conscious of the what if’s. What if I pass out, what if I have a seizure, what if I have paralysis and what if it’s too loud? But, that’s the anxiety talking and I can’t let that rule my life. In all reality we do keep a wheelchair in the car and I stay out no more than a few hours at a time just to be safe. But, the fear of the what if’s don’t stop me from doing what I want. I say find your inner phoenix and shine.
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